Heavy Days: No One Is Coming... And That’s Okay

On Permission, Pressure and Starting Before You Feel Ready

I saw something today that stayed with me longer than I expected:

“Whose permission are you waiting for?”

And my first reaction wasn’t motivation.

It was resistance.

Because the truth is I don’t feel like I’ve been waiting for permission.

I’ve been trying to find stability.

Trying to understand what I’m doing.

Trying to build something without fully knowing how.

Lately, I’ve been in this space where everything feels new.

Starting my own business.

Working alongside charities.

Learning things I’ve never had to think about before- operations, outreach, structure, partnerships.

There’s no roadmap.

No one handing me a guide saying,

“Here’s how you do this properly.”

It’s all been… trial and error.

Mostly error, if I’m being honest.

And that’s where the pressure creeps in.

Because when you’re building something from scratch, there’s this quiet expectation mostly from yourself- that you should know what you’re doing.

That you should move with confidence.

That you should have answers.

But I don’t.

Not yet.

Some days, it feels like I’m constantly catching up.

Reading, researching, asking questions, trying to connect dots that don’t always make sense yet.

And on those days, that question…

“Whose permission are you waiting for?”

- almost feels unfair.

Because it assumes hesitation is about fear.

When sometimes, it’s about weight.

But the more I sat with it… the more it shifted.

Because maybe it’s not about waiting for permission from someone else.

Maybe it’s about waiting to feel ready.

And that’s where I’ve been stuck.

Waiting to feel more certain.

More experienced.

More prepared.

The reality?

That version of me doesn’t exist yet.

It only shows up after I take the steps I’ve been hesitating on.

Starting this business wasn’t a confident decision.

It was a necessary one.

A quiet decision.

The kind that doesn’t feel bold in the moment-

just uncomfortable enough that you know you can’t ignore it anymore.

Working with charities has been the same.

It’s meaningful.

It matters.

But it’s also stretched me in ways I didn’t expect.

Understanding needs.

Communicating clearly.

Trying to create something that actually helps- not just something that sounds good.

There’s responsibility in that.

And responsibility can feel heavy.

There have been moments where I’ve questioned whether I’m doing enough.

Whether I’m doing it right.

Whether I’ve stepped into something bigger than I can handle right now.

But today, something clicked.

Not in a loud, dramatic way.

Just quietly.

I realised:

I might not need permission.

But I do need to stop waiting for the feeling of readiness.

Because it’s not coming.

Not before the work.

Only through it.

And maybe that’s what “go do your thing” actually means.

Not:

“Be fearless.”

Not: “Have it all figured out.”

But:

Start where you are. Move with what you have. Learn as you go.

On heavy days, that still feels like a lot.

So I’ve had to simplify it.

Today, “doing my thing” didn’t look like a big breakthrough.

It looked like:

Replying to one message I’d been putting off.

Spending an hour understanding something I didn’t know yesterday.

Having a conversation that felt slightly uncomfortable but necessary.

That was it.

And I’m starting to understand that this is what building looks like.

Not constant progress.

Not constant clarity.

But small decisions made consistently- even when you’re unsure.

There’s something grounding about accepting that I’m learning everything from scratch.

That I’m allowed to not know.

That figuring it out is part of the process- not a sign that I’m behind.

Because the truth is:

No one gave me permission to start this.

And no one is going to give me permission to continue.

That part is mine.

But I can choose how I carry it.

With pressure.

Or with patience.

So today, I’m choosing this:

I don’t need to have it all figured out.

I just need to keep showing up.

Even when it’s slow.

Even when it’s messy.

Even when I’m learning in real time.

Heavy Days reminder:

You don’t need permission.

But you are allowed to take your time.

You are allowed to learn.

You are allowed to build something meaningful without knowing exactly how yet.

And if today feels heavy:

Don’t think about the whole journey.

Just ask:

What is one thing I can do today that moves this forward?

And start there.

“This is heavy. But I’m still here.”

And today, that was enough.